Addiction/ Tough love

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Accepting others is not an easy thing. It’s easy to judge another person when we have never been in their shoes. When  dealing with an addict, is it right to give them tough love? Or is it our obligation to shoulder their demons and stand by them no matter what.

I always felt that people should be held accountable for their own actions. Adults need to take responsibility for their errors. In my stubbornness I have stood my ground in believing that alcoholism is a choice. No one forces you to drink – this is true. Yet can I be so naive to not acknowledge that once someone Is addicted there is no turning back. That person will be an alcoholic for the rest of their life and without the love and support of others they may never have control of their life again.

Alcoholism ruins families. It can poison everyone around you. And it’s just as hard for the addict to accept it  as for the addicts’ family.

I didn’t want to accept that he had a problem. At first we make the excuses – “oh, he just likes to party , he only drinks on the weekends, he can control it”. Then we try to ignore it. Once it’s too apparent we get angry. We start questioning who’s to blame and where it went wrong. We try to intervene and we truly realize the seriousness of the problem we start the long journey of trying to accept and help the person.

It’s hard when the person doesn’t want the help. It makes you feel hopeless. It makes you mourn the person they once were. I look back at our childhood and I mourn him. He was my best friend, we did everything together. I always wanted to protect him. But I refuse to be his enabler just because I love him. I’m not going to sugar coat or cover up his mistakes. I want to help him face his problems head on. No babying , no making excuses.

But where do I even start? Is it even my responsibility?

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