The lonely girl

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How could you forget to tell her you love her?

How could you assume that she knows ?

Don’t you know that she needs not only to hear it, but to see it too!

Don’t you know that lack of affection will follow her for the rest of her life?

Don’t you know that when you yell and fight, she yells and fights internally too.

That when you strike her you kill a part of her.

And when you forget her-she abandons herself.

That lonely girl never forgets all the times you never hugged her back or praised her accomplishments.

She never forgets your taunts.

Your screams.

Your hate.

Your violence

She’ll always feel like she was your failure.

And she’ll always carry that with her

Oh, if you would have told her you loved her

Maybe..

she would still be here.

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Addiction/ Tough love

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Accepting others is not an easy thing. It’s easy to judge another person when we have never been in their shoes. When  dealing with an addict, is it right to give them tough love? Or is it our obligation to shoulder their demons and stand by them no matter what.

I always felt that people should be held accountable for their own actions. Adults need to take responsibility for their errors. In my stubbornness I have stood my ground in believing that alcoholism is a choice. No one forces you to drink – this is true. Yet can I be so naive to not acknowledge that once someone Is addicted there is no turning back. That person will be an alcoholic for the rest of their life and without the love and support of others they may never have control of their life again.

Alcoholism ruins families. It can poison everyone around you. And it’s just as hard for the addict to accept it  as for the addicts’ family.

I didn’t want to accept that he had a problem. At first we make the excuses – “oh, he just likes to party , he only drinks on the weekends, he can control it”. Then we try to ignore it. Once it’s too apparent we get angry. We start questioning who’s to blame and where it went wrong. We try to intervene and we truly realize the seriousness of the problem we start the long journey of trying to accept and help the person.

It’s hard when the person doesn’t want the help. It makes you feel hopeless. It makes you mourn the person they once were. I look back at our childhood and I mourn him. He was my best friend, we did everything together. I always wanted to protect him. But I refuse to be his enabler just because I love him. I’m not going to sugar coat or cover up his mistakes. I want to help him face his problems head on. No babying , no making excuses.

But where do I even start? Is it even my responsibility?

“Best friends”

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I’ve had a couple of best friends in my life. Friends are weird because there is a point in everyone’s life when you just grow apart from people. People who you think you have everything in common with and you think they’ll be there for you forever. I have friendships of 20 years, 10 years and even 5 months.  But it’s common to just connect with that one person. You set expectations high because you think they’re never going to fail you. You mourn the loss of that friendship as if it was a family member. And then you just move on.

Sometimes I just think we should just stop looking for family in our friends. We shouldn’t try to force family and friends to be the same thing. It is possible to find a friend who can become your family but it shouldn’t be forced. It should be a choice. The person should choose to love you forever and stay by your side unconditionally. This is what makes a true best friend special because unlike family- they can choose you.